Like the title says, I'm going to be honest in this post, and I'm probably going to say something that is going to annoy you.
This past weekend, I was at a party with a bunch of people I didn't know. At one point, someone called me "so tiny". As in, skinny.
I am not going to lie- I liked it.
BUT I DO NOT LIKE THAT I LIKED IT. In fact, I am pissed. It makes me seem incredibly shallow. I am telling you this so you know all the parts of me. Even the parts that are ugly.
Later on that night, another person said, "Dang, look at your leg muscles!"
Now, this too was a comment I really liked! Someone noticed my muscles!? That is awesome! I'm definitely not ashamed of enjoying the fact that someone noticed those. My muscles are hard earned.
Both comments are such contradictions to one another, yet I liked hearing both.
I no longer strive to be "tiny". I don't count calories or macros anymore. I don't weigh myself. I don't obsessively exercise. I focus more on what my body can accomplish rather than starving it and working to lose weight.
Yet I was still filled with glee when someone said I looked "so tiny".
I wish I wasn't like that. I wish I would get over it. Maybe I will I grow out of it someday?