I hate feeling angry. Anger is probably the one emotion I hate the most. Recently, there was a situation that had me really angered. There is no use in going over the details of what was going on because it really doesn't matter. For me, complaining about it again is going to be like beating a dead horse! (Believe me, I have done my fair share of complaining about it.) You all have been angry before, so just substitute in any situation that angers you and you'll know how I'm feeling.
The thing is, the only way for me to feel better about this situation that has me so worked up is to let it go. There's nothing more I can do. I tried to control whatever I could control but now it's at the point where it is truly out of my hands.
Life is not fair. Bad things happen. Ya live, ya learn. All those cliches really are true. And being able to accept that I am not special, and that bad things happen whether you deserve them or not, well, that sort of mature thinking isn't something that always comes naturally to me. It usually takes a lot of reflection, and even accepting some responsibility that my own actions have partly contributed to this situation that has me so pissed off so much.
So I am choosing to LET IT GO! Because as soon as I do, I won't feel angry anymore! It will be in my past. Hopefully I will have gained some wisdom and something like this won't happen again!
The funny thing is, it's not easy for me to let things go. I am a very stubborn person. That can be a good thing or a bad thing. So when I let something go, it truly has to be a conscious decision. Sometimes I think I let something go, realize I haven't, so I have to try again. What can I say? When I can't fall asleep at night, I have a lot of time to think about things. I guess I will just have to force myself to think of something else until I don't have to anymore!
Would you like to share the last time you were REALLY angry?
Are you stubborn?
Are you stubborn?
I don't let go of things easily. I remember once in high school AP Composition, a classmate and I were debating forgiveness. The argument boiled down to whether or not you can choose to forgive; beyond saying the words, can we really make a choice to genuinely FEEL forgiveness before we're ready? I was on the "no" side. I'll never understand how people just forgive, or let anger go, or move on, or whatever...I do hold a grudge. I don't MEAN to, but it's like I can't help it! Until I'm over something, I'm not over it, you know?ReplyDelete
This post really made me think! I'm glad you are letting go of your anger, and I'm a little envious that you can choose to do so, because I can never seem to just choose to stop feeling a certain way.
Depending on the situation, it would be very hard for me to forgive someone. I mean, there are certain things where you have to chalk it up to, "Okay, this is just how this person is, they apologized, and now I just need to let it go- BUT proceed with caution knowing that this is indeed how they are." But other things, I mean if someone did something HORRIBLE to me or my family, it would be very hard to forgive, I am sure it would eat me up. Luckily this particular anger I am feeling now is not directed toward a person or someone/something I will ever have to deal with again, so as soon as I just stop thinking about it, it should be out of my life for good. Hard to do! You and I are so much alike I think!Delete
I struggle w/ letting things go when someone has hurt me and they don't own up to it. I try very hard to let it go and forgive but it is not easy. I always think of my husband Rick because for whatever reason, that guy always "takes the high road" and forgives very quickly. It is truly amazing.....and I am so not there, yet.ReplyDelete
It is very hard to forgive when the person does not even recognize the transgression! I feel like maybe that is the time you just HAVE to let it go though because clearly the other person is never going to do/say anything to resolve the situation, you know what I mean? I definitely would not be able to let someone like that remain close to me in my life. I think a true friend would be able to at least validate that they did something that made you feel that way- whether intentional or not you know? Augh, all good thoughts going on here today!Delete
I'm glad you are choosing to let go of what made you angry. I always try to do the same, but end up thinking of the thing that makes me angry in quiet moments (like right before I fall asleep) and then I get angry again (which makes sleep impossible).ReplyDelete
I do find that I can ease some of the anger if I write about what made me angry. Sometimes I will type up an email to the person who made me angry (never adding their actual email address to the To box) and then I'll delete it once I'm done.
... Except for the one time that I actually sent the email. That felt good ;)
That happened to me last night! I could not fall asleep because I was getting worked up about this exact thing I posted about today. I guess I am not crazy because I am not the only one this is happening too. I think I will have to keep trying to let it go for a couple days and maybe finally I will ACTUALLY let it go. Or work will start up again and I will have other things to occupy my brain. Though I have a feeling a lot of things about going back to work are going to make me angry too. So I will just redirect my anger hahaha.Delete
Ooh I would dread being the recipient of an angry email from you! I bet that felt AWESOME. Did the person write back?
Yes, I admit, I have a "hot Head". Running is one of the big things that helps me let go--if I am angry enough I have to physically exhaust myself before letting go.ReplyDelete
I am glad that works for you but I hope you don't get angry too often. :) Once I was so mad at Paul that I went out and ran 12 miles without having eaten any food or water. I ran the route faster than I ever had before. Anger can really fuel you up and set you up for a good PR!!Delete
My counselor taught me that anger is a secondary emotion. Meaning it is birthed from an underlying issue like hurt, pain, insecurity, shame. Things like that. No idea how this fact helps you but I just find it fascinating! And another thing that helps me to let go and forgive is this quote: holding onto resentments is like swallowing rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die. Our anger doesn't affect the person who wrongs us as much as it destroys US. Anyway. Wish I lived close to you so we could get drunk and throw eggs off a bridge.ReplyDelete
lol! Egg smashing would feel so good!Delete
This is going to sound dumb but Dr. Phil says the same thing as your counselor about anger. :)
Oh I love Dr Phil. ShhhhhhDelete
I don't know what your situation is but the thing that makes me the angriest is when someone else makes a decision that effects you without even discussing it with you and/or deeming that you are not good enough for something. (and i'm talking "professionally" here). Hang in there. I know you are frustrated!ReplyDelete
I hate that too! That was something I had to get used to when I got married. Not that Paul would make decisions for me often, but when it would happen it would PISS me off. He never does it anymore, and I never do it to him! Now professionally.... ugh that is the worst because usually it is your superior doing it and there is nothing you can do about it!!!Delete
We are birds of a feather. I relate to this so much. I also have a really hard time letting things go and forgiving people that have slighted me. I've met so many "teflon" people who seem like they forgive and forget at the drop of a hat and it is mind boggling to me. I grew up ashamed of this trait, because of course everyone is always telling you to "let it go! Just get over it already! Leave your problems at the door!" But I've never understood this - how can we be expected to just turn our emotions on and off like a light switch? We're humans, not machines. But, as a sensitive person, I suppose this never will make sense to me.ReplyDelete
I could go on forever about this topic, but instead I will say - I've gotten MUCH better in recent years about letting things go and what has helped me the most was hearing and internalizing this advice: "95% of the time, what someone else says/does is about them, NOT you." It feels so personal when someone does something to hurt us, but the reality is it's not. The offender isn't thinking "gosh, I really want to make MEG mad because she deserves it!" In fact, they really aren't thinking at all, they're just acting from their own insecurity/thoughtlessness and this time you just happened to be the one who was affected, if that makes sense. I don't think there will ever come a day when I 100% don't take things personally, but it's been a lot better now that I know that when someone is being hurtful toward me, it really isn't about me at all.
Thank you for sharing all that. You definitely make some good points that usually it has nothing to do with us when we feel slighted.Delete
I have often felt made to feel "less than" by people (not in the situation I wrote about today) and that is one of those times where I have to be like, "there's nothing wrong with you, they're the ones that don't have enough confidence so they are trying to make ME feel bad."
Ugh I get so angry. Luckily, my anger is like a flash in the pan and it's HOT AND BRIGHT AND ANGRY and then i'm over it. Sometimes things stick with me, and if i'm mulling over and still stewing over something past the point i normally get over things, I try to figure out what it is that ACTUALLY bothers me. And what my part is in it.ReplyDelete
Let me get all AA on you (which i often have to do to myself hahaha) okay so my sponsor always tells me that the basis for most/all negative emotions is fear. Fear is what drives those negative emotions, and its fear of- what people will think, losing what I have, or not getting what i want. So if someone cuts me of in traffic, i'm not getting what i want because I want to be going faster, or losing what i have in terms of my car and life (if its that drastic of a cut off), or that i'll be late to work and what will people at work think?! Basically everything i do/feel can be brought back to fear, and if i can recognize what it is that im fearing, I can reassure myself from that point, and then the anger, sadness, etc dissipates.
but for the record, i am a VERY stubborn person. and i tend to be an angry/in your face kind f person too. i'm working on it ;) hehehDelete
That all makes sense. I don't know what my fear is in this situation. I guess I feel like I was lied to and made to jump through hoops and was not valued as a customer of this particular company in which I am pissed at. Luckily, I can walk away and never ever have to deal with them again, but it still makes me mad and I feel taken advantage of. Thank for sharing your AA wisdom!Delete
I tend to get very angry but not say anything to the person...just whine about it to Matt over dinner...lol. I get super annoyed sometimes by the littlest things, but usually when someone doesn't take you or your schedule/needs into consideration. Also, I tend to hold grudges! I know I shouldn't but I never forget. I heard once that scorpios are like that...lol.ReplyDelete
This must be a runner thing about holding grudges and stuff because it seems like the general consensus here is that we have a hard time letting things go!Delete
Thank goodness for husbands. I complain about so much work stuff to Paul... he is a trooper. We try to make it fun, though.
I don't like anger either, but man, I can get mad. I don't know what it is...I blame it on hormones. I try to stay positive. It is a work in progress.ReplyDelete
I am a Capricorn in every sense of the word. I don't even know if I believe in Astrology, but every time I read about Capricorns, I nod my head. I don't get emotional and I think with the rational part of my brain instead of the emotional part. People have a hard time understanding how I stay so calm in situations where they would rage. To me, getting angry about something and yelling and screaming doesn't help the situation. It only makes other people feel stressed out and then it spirals out of control. For example, on our road trip to Arizona in April, my best friend continually got us lost and would drive us 20 miles out of our way. He turned and thanked me after the 4th time and said, "My ex girlfriend would have been yelling at me this whole time." I told him that there's nothing I could do, we were already in that situation and getting angry about it would only have made the trip exhausting and not fun. I do, however, let A LOT roll off my back and sometimes I think I need to work on getting angry and sticking up for myself.ReplyDelete
Well it sounds like you have a nice balance! I mean, there are certainly situations in which anger is not helpful, and since you are an emotionally mature person you realize that- like your car example. But yeah you should definitely stick up for yourself! I try to pep talk Paul into sticking up for himself. He is a pleaser- which is a wonderful quality to have and something I LOVE about him. I mean, there is just not a mean, disrespectful bone in his body. But sometimes he is TOO nice. Man, look at me complaining that my husband is TOO nice haha!Delete