Like the title says, this post is going to be a bit disjointed and ramble-y. I feel very overwhelmed about getting all of my thoughts "out there". So rather than holding myself to some high standard of writing, I'm just going to go for it and throw up everything into this post! I'll go back and edit once or twice, but beyond that, this is just going to be a BLOB OF MY THOUGHTS!
Why does this keep happening to me???
I'm too old for this shit!
I will never PR again!
Is this the right plan for me?
Can my body really endure marathon training?
Why do I set lofty goals when I am just going to fail?
Even though I am technically not injured anymore, I am not having fun. The UNKNOWN is what prevents me from feeling strong, happy, and excited about my training. If I don't feel happy, excited, and strong, then I am not having fun.
My feet don't hurt now (knock on wood) but I am afraid they will start to hurt. I am afraid simply because I typed the words "my feet don't hurt" that they will begin to hurt, as if the universe is mocking me. I am afraid to STAND UP AND WALK after sitting down for any length of time because I have PTSD from when I had PF. That shit physically hurt and made me emotionally downtrodden! I do not want that feeling ever again. It is silly, but I am legit scared to stand up and walk so I gingerly move around like I am on eggshells. This is no way to live, people!!!!
Of course I wonder why. Whyyyyy did I get PF? Is it Hansons? Is it too much running? Is it going to come back as soon as I hit 45 miles a week again?? (Which is only about 2-5 miles more per week than what I was doing when I was training for my most recent 10 miler and half marathon.)
My friend who is a trainer and knows all about my running ups and downs looked at the plan I am using and she thought that the change in running pace had more to do with it than anything. I went from running most of my runs at an 8:10-8:30 pace to running them all a good 45 seconds per mile slower. That can change my gait and body mechanics and who the hell knows what else. It could be a combo of things. Or maybe I was just going to get PF no matter what. I don't know and will likely never know.
One thing I am not ready to do is throw this plan out. I am definitely open to altering it, but I am not throwing it out completely because the truth is, I wouldn't know what other plan to use. I NEVER USED A FORMAL PLAN WHEN TRAINING FOR A MARATHON!
Maybe that was my secret??? I trained via intuition!!!
HOPEFULLY the hard part is behind me. HOPEFULLY my feet continue to do well and I can do the training Hansons has prescribed for me. If (and that is a huge IF because I don't count anything as a given) my feet continue to feel good, Week 8 (this week) is going to be following the plan but cutting off a couple miles here and there. It says I should have 49 for the week but I am thinking anywhere between 30-35 pain free would be a good bump up from last week's 23 pain free miles. I'll cross the Week 9 bridge when I get to it. One week at a time.
Okay, that is me being all anxiety ridden and spastic! If you read all that, THANK YOU! I am sure as runners you understand everything I am feeling right now!!
And yes, if you have advice for me, I'd be happy to hear it. But only if (and I am sorry if this comes across as rude) you are familiar with me, my training, and what I have been doing these past couple months. If this is your first Meg Go Run post you ever read I really don't need you commenting and asking if I am sticking to the prescribed paces. (Because if you read my blog, you would know I pretty much follow them to a T!) Wow, I may regret typing out this paragraph because I suppose it makes me sound a little defensive, but the truth is it's how I'm feeling right now!
Speaking of being defensive, I got pissed off at Paul the other day. I haven't told him much about my feet or how I have been altering my training because honestly it is just exhausting to think about all day let alone relay to someone else. But he did know they were feeling better and that I was being extra cautious with my running. So the other morning I was trying to decide whether to run or not and he gave me some unsolicited advice... and that advice was to NOT RUN. Well, if anyone knows me, you know that something like that would PISS ME OFF, so I grabbed my Garmin and said "See ya!" Like I'm going to let him tell me what to do, right? So as I was running (pain free by the way) and starting to feel the effects of the endorphins, I realized that I must be in a really bad place if just a friendly, well meaning piece of (unsolicited) advice from Paul would make me mad, even if I was only mad about it for a couple minutes.
Also, I realize this whole post is first world problems as I am sure many people wish the current biggest stress of their life is a bout of PF during marathon training. Believe me, I wake up every morning and kiss Paul and the kitties and feel thankful they are happy and healthy. If anything happened to them, I'd be wishing my problem was PF!
ONE MORE THING! And this is good news! I did a speed workout on Tuesday for the first time since Week 4! I did 4x1200 with 400 recovery. I did a 1 mile warm up and cool down. (Hansons says do a 1.5 mile warm up and cool down but I wanted to shave some mileage off, and not from the speed portion.) Let me tell you, the 1200s were HARD!! 400 recovery was enough for the first interval, but it wasn't near enough for the rest. In fact, I was not technically recovered. I did them though! According to my plan, my speed workouts should be between 6:51-7:10. My first interval was 7:00 because it ended on a hill. My last three were all 6:52. I was very pleased.
I guess that is all I wanted to say. I am sure I will think of more, but for now, thanks for listening!
No questions, I feel like I have too many that once I got started I wouldn't be able to stop!
I suppose... comment at your own risk? Just kidding. I need to take a chill pill.