I un-Friend people on Facebook. Having one thousand Facebook
friends is not for me. I prefer to keep my friends list to family and people I
am actually friends with… People I
see and talk to from time to time. Some of my Facebook friends I don’t interact
with outside of the internet but they have interesting posts and I enjoy
connecting with them.
I like to stay under 200 friends. Right now I have 222, which is a
record for me. Every couple months I go through and delete people who I'm not
actually friends with or I don't talk to on Facebook anymore. It’s liberating! The people I
delete probably don't even notice I delete them because we don't even interact
on Facebook. I prefer to keep my Facebook to people I actually interact with.
Everyone has their standard, and that's mine.
Only twice have I un-friended someone for an actual reason. The one person I un-friended
because he would post pictures of dead/bloody deer he shot while hunting. (I
don’t want to see that in my news feed!) The other person was someone who
directed me in a musical and he ended up being PSYCHO so I just cut all ties
with him. It was for my mental health.
So, getting to the purpose of this post… I was
actually confronted by someone I un-friended on Facebook. I’m sure you want the juicy story of the
confrontation. Don’t worry. I’m going to give it to you!
A couple weeks ago, the cast of a musical I was in got together
for a little “reunion” of sorts. I was in this musical 3 years ago, so I hadn’t
seen some of my former cast mates in several years!
A few hours into the party, I noticed a cast member, who I had not
seen in a while, had just arrived. This was a woman who was never that friendly
to me, and we were never hung out besides the time we did the show. We didn't
have a lot in common and we lived 45 minutes away from each other. It wasn't that I disliked her.- we were
never going to be friends and that was okay.
When I saw my former cast
mate, I went right over to say hello. "Hey!" I greeted her with a big
smile. "How are you? I didn't even recognize you!"
"Maybe that's because
you un-friended me on Facebook so you haven't seen any pictures of me
lately," she snapped at me, in front of at least four other people.
Wow, that stung... to say
the least.
I recovered
quickly. "Hmmm, possibly?” I said as if I was puzzled. “So how are
you?" I asked, without skipping a beat.
"I'm great!" she
said with a huge, phony smile. Then she turned away from me.
Damn. I never knew un-friending
someone who I wasn't even friends with was ever going to bite me in the ass,
but it just did.
What she said really hurt
me. First of all, I think I'm a little sensitive. Also, I am not used to
people that rude. So when people are rude
to me, my feelings get really hurt.
The thing is, I am not friends (in real life or on
Facebook) with people that would ever talk to me like that or treat me that way.
And since I would never talk to someone the way she talked to me, I got really
taken aback by it.
I left the party soon after that. The next day I received a
Facebook message from my former cast mate with a non-apology. It was one of
those, “I’m sorry that you got so upset” apologies. She also mentioned that I
clearly didn’t “get her sense of humor”. Seriously, there is nothing LESS remorseful
than an “apology” that puts all the blame on the person you are apologizing to.
Her message did not deserve a response, so I did not respond to
it.
I guess I was on the right track when I un-friended her in the first place!
So my dear readers… Do you un-friend people on Facebook? (If you do,
be careful or you will have a story like mine!) Am I required to friend
everyone who sends me a request and just keep collecting Facebook friends
forever and ever, lest I be confronted by people from my past at parties???
Haha I've done it a lot but I wouldn't care at all if someone confronted me about it. I have people on there I haven't spoken to in years but once cared deeply about (aka best friend from elementary school) so I like seeing their updates and knowing things are going well for them. My criteria is super simple, I delete them if I don't care if I ever hear what they're up to again. Mostly that means current acquaintances and friends and truly close friends from throughout my life even if we've lost touch.
ReplyDeleteThat's a good criteria, Emmeline! I think deep down that is my own criteria... I have friends from HS that I don't see but like keeping up w/ their life. And then there are some where I don't like to keep up with them! Someone should totally write a FB etiquette book!
DeleteHow rude! Some people seriously lack social skills. Her non-apology is probably the worst bit of it all!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you -- my friends list is around 220 -- and about once a year I go through and remove people. During election years more people get removed than in other years :D
Hahaha that is funny! I want to defriend people around that time too!
DeleteI unfriend people on their birthdays...it's a good reminder for "do I actually talk to this person?"
DeleteThat is PERFECT. And a funny bday present. :)
DeleteYou're braver than I am, and I'm jealous. I try to unfriend people but these days you can just hide them from your timeline, so I just do that. Most of my 1000+ friends are college buddies who I had a class or two with, or sorority sisters, or Matt's frat brothers. Unfriending them could cause maaaajor drama! I only unfriend people who I find really offensive or literally NEVER speak to, or their updates come up and just always annoy me (instead of intriguing me).
ReplyDeleteObviously I have a lot of feelings on this. I'm sorry that woman was so rude to you! Facebook is so silly; I'm never offended if people unfriend me, and I assume that woman puts WAY too much stock in her "friend status" because she actually noticed you unfriended her! It reminds me of my students, who friend random people they don't even like just to boost their numbers!
I don't know if I am brave anymore! Maybe I should just start hiding them. I think I'm just one of those people who hate "clutter". Plus even if I hide them... they can still see all MY shit. It's so tricky. Someone needs to write a FB etiquette book.
DeleteLOL. I want more of the story next time we hang out! I'll make sure it's soon....don't want you to un-friend me ;)
ReplyDeletePS--I do it too.
I will give you the uncensored version!
DeleteI have unfriended people on FB and it has caused some drama. If someone is that worried about FB then they don't need to be your friend. I can't believe that woman actually remembered you deleted her and called you out on it! People have deleted me and I don't even bat an eye. There is more to life, like running!!! ;-)
ReplyDeleteomg so true!!!
DeleteI hate facebook. So, so so soooo much. I'm only on now because of work and then for my blog. I don't use it to interact with anyone I know in real life since it only seems to breed drama. Of course if I ever meet any of my blog friends... well, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it...
ReplyDeleteI was confronted by someone, but because I deleted my facebook account. She assumed I had unfriended her and had some words about that. I'm not sure she believed me when I explained... oh well.
One good thing I miss about facebook - gratuitous baby and puppy pictures.
Wow I hope the person who confronted you felt stupid! How egotistical for them to make it all about themselves when it actually had nothing to do with them- you deleted your page!
DeleteI'm a lot like you Meg. I get very sensitive and upset when someone is rude to me. Then I convince myself that it must be MY fault, somehow??? Which makes me more upset. People always tell me I'm too sensitive. :S
ReplyDeleteThis post makes me want to go in and un-friend so many people, so thanks! ;) I know some people just 'add' me to see what I'm up to. I have un-friended people who post continuous binge drinking photos or duck lips selfies because I find that utterly annoying...lol.
Go clean out your list! ;) NO MORE DUCK LIPS! :)
DeleteI can't believe she was actually worked up about it... Who would really care? I have unfriended people, and I've been unfriended... it's not a big deal. I've always just assumed that people were cleaning out their friends lists. Some people get so upset about stupid things. I don't blame you for not responding to her message.
ReplyDeleteI know, it wasn't like we are actually FRIENDS. I hadn't seen her in over 2 years. SERIOUSLY!
DeleteI HATE confrontation, so that would have really made me crawl into my shell. I probably would have felt really awkward the entire rest of the time I was there. I don't add anyone I don't know in real life, but I don't delete people either. There was one girl who was in a show with me who I honestly kept on my friend's list because her updates were rather entertaining as she posted approximately 99 times a day all within two minutes of each other. One day, I noticed she had stopped posting. I was curious, so I went to her page and realized that she had unfriended me! I absolutely wasn't offended as we aren't real friends, but when I realized that she had posted (one of her 600 bazillion posts a day) that she would unfriend anyone who didn't like that status. Not that I would have like it, but I was on an island enjoying real life with no internet. I just found it hilarious.
ReplyDeleteI did feel awkward and left pretty soon after that! I have people I keep just because they are entertaining! That is funny she deleted you. I bet she didn't know you read her posts- she would have totally kept you then!
DeleteUgh, this is exactly why I quit facebook, twice. The first time I quit facebook, I had just gone through a major life upset and it was a breeding ground for negativity, and I didn't need that in part of my grieving process. Later I rejoined facebook under a different name, but kept my friend list to under 50 people. I recently quit facebook again because a 'friend' who posted her soapbox too many times a day first claimed she could be friends with people of different opinions, then a few days later said she'd delete people with different opinions. I innocently asked about one of her soapbox posts that I really wanted to know more about, and she responded very condescendingly. I wrote a tongue in cheek response which just cause her to rant at me and was completely rude. So I decided to save her the effort and I deleted her, but then just decided to shut down my facebook account. I hate that place. I've been living facebook-free for 7 weeks now, and I feel so much happier. I do miss having an easy way to keep in touch with some people and seeing everyone's pictures. But for me, right now, I can't handle the drama. I may rejoin facebook later, or I may not.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that woman was rude to you. That's really terrible of her and her non-apology really shows that you don't need her in your life.
FB can be very frustrating. I don't blame you for quitting. You gotta do what makes YOUR life happy and harmonious!
DeleteYes, I've unfriended people before! I actually HATE FB and very rarely go on there! I find it's very superficial and if you're someone who doesn't DO something all the time (ie, travel a lot, go out to dinner a lot, go shopping all the time, etc.), and you see other people posting these things all the time, it makes you feel depressed. So I just don't go on anymore (unless I have to for work or someone messages me). The only reason I don't completely get rid of it is because I have some friends that only communicate through FB. Maybe a lot of my "FB" friends are shallow...anyone else have the same problem as me???
ReplyDeleteI don't do much either and I have several friends on there (and friends in real life) who go out like every night. I don't mind seeing their pics, I'm glad they're having fun, but I do sometimes wonder... hmmm am I missing out on something big here because I'm in my PJs at 6pm on a Tuesday??
DeleteWow, she totally caught you off guard! I don't unfriend people because I don't know how, but I have blocked someone before because every post she put up was something on pinterest with a note saying "my kids would like this" or it was a poem. I kind of felt bad about it but I don't know how to unblock her. I'm not too savvy with FB!
ReplyDeleteThat is so funny- stupid kids, stupid poems! I deleted someone a looooooooong time ago because we weren't friends in real life, but also, EVERY single post was about her child... too much!
DeleteI generally don't unfriend people for this exact reason; there's too much potential for it to turn into an awkward situation. If I don't like someone's posts, then I just unfollow them instead. Just because Facebook doesn't notify the other person doesn't mean they won't find out, especially with apps like Who Deleted Me and F.B. Purity.
ReplyDeleteThat said, there's nothing wrong with asking someone why they unfriended you, although your "friend" could have done so in a much tactful manner.
She sure could have. Especially since we weren't even actual friends! I hadn't seen the girl in over two years! Ugh.
Delete