A blog about my life, fitness and fun! (...and maybe a few cat pictures...)

A blog about my life, fitness and fun! (...and maybe a few cat pictures...)

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

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On Wednesday afternoon, I was watching a very old episode of Sex and the City. It was from 1998 and was titled, "The Baby Shower". This is the episode in which Carrie fears she's pregnant and the four gals travel to Connecticut to attend their friend Lainey's baby shower.

While the four main characters' views on motherhood ranged from "Hell no!" (Samantha) to "I can't wait to have a baby!" (Charlotte), they were all genuinely surprised when they heard Lainey had finally "settled down" and was having a baby.

(Can I just mention my absolute favorite part of this episode is when Samantha calls Lainey a bitch when she steals Charlotte's secret baby name... "Shayla". I love that Samantha is extremely loyal to her friends and immediately defends them.)


The secret baby name stealer!!!!

I have never gotten much backlash over my very vocal decision not to have children. And what I love about women in this day in age is that 99.99999% of us are totally happy with women making their own decision over whether to have children or not. I don't see mothers looking down at child free women over their decision and I don't look at child free women looking down on mothers. Most of us look at each other and say, "Good for you! I am glad you are happy!"

(I know many couples struggle with infertility, and that is a whole other issue I have no business touching. When I refer to child free women, I am referring to those that are child free by choice.) 

The truth is, women are more liberated when we all support EACH OTHER.


Do you have a secret baby name?

Have you ever faced judgement or criticism for your decision on whether or not to have children?

Who is your favorite SATC character?

39 comments:

  1. I am child free by choice and at 44 no regrets (not even a 1/2 of a regret). I feel that my family was 100% supportive from day one (even though I know my mom so wanted to be a grandma!) but without saying a lot we got more judgement from Rick's family. I think they just didn't understand it because they come from the mindset "you get married, you have kids and that is just what you do". Funny enough, we are chosen guardians for both his brother's kids and my sister's son and we would gladly take care of them and love them like our own should anything happen. So, I guess even though we chose not to be parents they think we would make good ones :) I watch SATC all the time--never get sick of that show. I love Carrie so much and even Rick one time guessed in a game about "how well you know your spouse" that I would be Carrie Bradshaw if I could be a fictitious character! My life is about as far from hers as you can imagine, however, and that is a good thing :) Rick and I did have names picked out "just in case". Logan for a girl, Collin for a boy. Now we focus on dog names instead!!

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    1. Girl, I haaaaaaaaaate Carrie. But she is like a train wreck I can't stop watching. I love when bad things happen to her. Like when she was mugged, when someone stole her shoes at that party, when her computer crashed, when she feel on the runway... I am a horrible person, but I can't help it! She is so self involved. I agree that you are NOTHING like her. However, I agree with you that it would be fun to have all those clothes, a cool apartment, and a job that doesn't even seem like a job! Paul and I pick out cat names. :) We never picked out baby names. That just seems gross to us.

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    2. LOL-that is funny. Who do you like? My second favorite is Miranda but I do love them all and I just get lost in the story lines and how their personalities play off each other.

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    3. Samantha for all the reasons Kerry @ yogaontherun mentioned!

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  2. I'd like to know when SATC is on again? We use to watch it religiously and then it stopped. Is it on E! ?

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    1. I will have to check at home! I have it set to record automatically on my DVR.

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  3. I get a lot of flack due to having my children young. Apparently that just isn't right? I am all for us making our own decisions, not living my others views of right/wrong.
    I have never watched SATC...not once. Does that make me part of the 1%???

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    1. Hmm I'm not sure! I didn't watch SATC when it first came out because I was a bit young. By the time I started watching it, I was so much more mature than Carrie that it was hard for me to like her, so I settled for loving to hate her. :)

      That makes me mad that people give you flack for having children young! If that's what you wanted to do, they should support you! How old were you when you had them, if you don't mind me asking? I don't know what "young" is... Like 12? Or 21? hehe.

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    2. I had my oldest at 19...I still went to college and all too. But other parents at my kids school always comment on it. But I like it, even though I still get lost in their slang and weird things they do just like every other parent. lol

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  4. I've never wanted children - not even when I was young. I figure I'm 29 and if that desire hasn't kicked in by now, I don't know that it ever will. I just don't have maternal instincts and I don't think I'm cut out to be a mother. I'm not really a "nurturer" - I barely take care of myself. I'm glad our society is changing and becoming much more accepting of women who decide not to have children. Hooray progress!!

    Sorry, I never got into SATC. Meh.

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    1. You know I feel like I am not a nurturer either, but I am really good at nurturing my cats. :)

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  5. I'm kind of an odd one about kids... I haven't decided yet. I love my life so much and I love being the most important thing to Frank (selfish, right?). But at the same time, having a kid is something that I've always wanted. It's just hard to imagine going through such a huge life change when I'm happy with my life exactly how it is. I go back and forth on this all the time. My mom had me late and I'm an only child, so I imagine that I have time to make this decision (I'm 29). As for baby names, I've always loved unisex names.

    I gotta say... I always loved Samantha the most. She is her own person and makes no excuses for who she is and what she wants. I just love that.

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    1. I love Samantha for that reason too! And even though the 3 other girls sometimes judge her for how open she is, she rarely judges them.

      I don't think it's selfish to want to be the most important thing to someone! :)

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  6. Hi Megan - Just like you, I love to hate Carrie - my favorite episodes are the ones where bad things happen to her. How could Aiden possibly love her and give her two chances!? I think I like Charlotte the most. I am not sure why, but maybe she annoys me the least. I have watched all of the SATC episodes at least 8 times each.
    I really didn't think I would have children, but when I met my husband (at 31), I changed my mind. I am glad I have them because they are such characters and they have changed me for the better (my 11 year old is non-verbal, autistic, intellectually disabled, and needs 100% supervision at all times and my 8 year old is off the charts brilliant so I have my hands full). But I don't think kids are for everyone and I never judge anyone for their choice to not have them or have 6 (like my neighbor!). Have a great day! Kristen : )

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    1. Yeah Aiden was way too nice to her. And when she invited Big to that cabin in the woods- I would have told her to GET OUT right there.

      You sure do have your hands full! I bet you are a wonderful mother. :)

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  7. I get hate mail and rude comments about how we should make sure we're on birth control so that we stop having kids that wreck the perfect world that these people live in. But like that saying goes, what other people say about me is none of my business.

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    1. WOW wtf!!!??? I don't even know what else to say about that!!??

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  8. Very True!! I used to have a secret baby name, but made the stupid mistake of telling another couple, and they stole it and made it their daugther's middle name! Those rats! it was Sofia. Good thing I no longer speak to them!

    I have two sisters who are single and not ready to have children. Whenever anybody asks me when are they going to settle down and have children, I like to say "My sisters are strong independent women, they don't need a man or a child to validate their existence".

    My favorite SATC Character is Samantha, she is just awesome!


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    1. Oh man I am sorry they took your secret baby name!! :(

      You are such a good sister to support them like that. :)

      I love Samantha too! Strong and independent at it's finest!

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  9. Even though I don't want kids, I do have secret favorite baby names JUST in case haha. Sometimes I think I'd like to have a kid just so I can use the names, but that seems like a bad reason.

    I love that Samantha is loyal to her friends even when she disagrees with their points of view or desires. I always wanted to be a Samantha but am probably more a Miranda/Charlotte mix. Not a romantic like Charlotte, but not as independent as Miranda.

    It's too bad some aspects of SATC didn't age well because I used to love that show. It was a big bonding show during my sorority years.

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    1. That does seem like a bad reason haha! I am dying to know your secret baby names! Maybe tell me in 50 years???

      I love Samantha too but I am more like Miranda unfortunately! I agree, watching now the show seems VERY dated.

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  10. I want a friend just like Samantha! It would be so entertaining. Some days I think I want kids and other days I come home from work and think no way! It will be a loooong time before I even think about having babies, so we'll see! I'm not a big planner at all so I never came up with baby names or planned my wedding when I was younger.

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    1. Yes, and Samantha is such a low maintenance friend, whereas Carrie is such a HIGH MAINTENANCE friend.

      It is personally hard for me to wrap my head around teachers who have kids. They are around kids 24/7! I just can't even FATHOM it. But I'm sure they love their children and love their students and wouldn't want it any other way. Personally, I am more than happy to come home from work and not have to see any children. Well, except nights I teach piano lessons. :)

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  11. I've watched a few episodes of SATC, but I'm not a big fan. Carrie has to be a train wreck or we wouldn't love watching her!

    I was very much 100% in the 'I never want kids' camp. Especially being a teacher, I'm around kids ALL day and need my peace and quiet in the evenings. I told my husband this before we even got engaged, or was very serious in our relationship. He was okay with it, even though he thought someday he'd want kids.

    A year ago this month I started having 'lady problems' and found out I'd probably never be able to have kids without intense medical intervention. And even then, my doctor said I was not a good candidate for the medical intervention. Maybe it's because it's something I can't have, but now I'm finding I'm bitter/sad about not having the choice of whether or not to have kids, even though I didn't really want kids in the first place. It's ridiculous and complicated, and it's something I'm struggling with a lot. I thought it would be a relief to not have to worry about an 'oops'. But I guess I always figured there'd be an oops and my husband would have the kids he wanted and I'd end up loving having kids once I had them.

    My parents know they're not getting grandkids. My husbands parents don't know about my medical problems, and they seem genuinely confused as to why we haven't had kids yet since we've been married for almost 7 years...

    Thanks for letting me get this off my chest on your blog...

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    1. No thank you for sharing that with us! I'm so sorry to hear of your medical issues and I certainly can't even comprehend those complicated feelings you have. I'm sure it is a lot to digest. I hope you have a lot of support to help you deal with it.

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  12. I just think everyone needs to do what is right for them. I think it's great that you are so open about your choice. I have always wanted kids but I've always felt like I had so much time, and now I'm almost 33 and I'm like how did that happen? I do sort of have a secret baby name but I don't know if I will still like it when the time actually comes.
    My favorite SATC character is probably Charlotte. I like Samantha too though. Carrie and Miranda always bothered me.

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    1. I agree, everyone should do what's right for them and I'm so glad women can support each other in that decision. :) It's so personal and the more we support each other, the more we feel empowered to do what is right for ourselves.

      I like Miranda but she can be a bit much. Although she is the one I am most like. :) Surprise!!!???

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  13. I had Andrew so young it is hard for me to imagine life any different. I would never think you would be less fulfilled or not as happy if you never have kids though. There are many paths in life to take and you and Paul ooze love :)
    I read a post from someone I work with recently who is still single, it was interesting to see "kids" from a different perspective.
    You know I have never watched SITCity...

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    1. "Ooze love" lol that is borderline gross. ;) How old were you when you had Andrew?

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    2. 22 ...I was so dumb lol not that I had him, I was just dumb in general!

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    3. Oh man I was soooooo dumb when I was 22!!!!

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  14. Everyone should definitely do what is right for them! Almost everyone supports Adam and I in our decision to not have kids. Since I've never wanted kids it's not a surprise to my parents, but Adam's dad is desperate for grandchildren. He always says if we have a child that we could just drop it off at his house and he would care for it. He gets weepy sometimes about it which is really awkward (like at Christmas dinner, oy), but this is not something that is negotiable so we just stand our ground in the nicest way possible.

    One of my male coworkers is a bit of a traditionalist and sometimes tells me I'm going to change my mind or I might regret the decision as if he knows me better than I know myself. He means well but ... ugh.

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    1. Oh my gosh what do you say to the coworker? That would annoy the crap out of me. It would be hard to say something back that is professional.

      My brother has 2 kids and 1 on the way so luckily my parents get to experience grandchildren through them! Too bad about Adam's dad but yeah that is too big of a life choice to do just because someone wants grandchildren!

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    2. I figure there's no point in arguing with my coworker. He has that mentality built in. For instance, he wants his wife to be a stay at home mom and he believes in paying for everything. When I said that Adam and I split rent he was like, "oh i would never let my wife pay rent." I've told him that's outdated and that by splitting expenses we're able to live in a nicer place than we could if we lived on Adam's salary alone, but that's not really something he wants to understand/consider. When the kids thing comes up I just ignore it.

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    3. Wow. Yes, I suppose if people don't have open minds there is no point in arguing!

      Paul and I live in a tiny house to begin with. We wouldn't even HAVE a house if only one of us would be allowed to pay for it!

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  15. I struggled with the thought of having children for the longest time. Part of me did NOT want kids and part of me did. I tend to be quite selfish with my time, energy, and personal interests, so when I found out I was pregnant last year it was a total shock. We weren't trying, but we also weren't not not trying - if that makes sense. It took me a long time to accept the realization that my life would forever change, I would no longer be able to be selfish, and another's needs would come before me own. It hasn't been easy, but I do love my son unconditionally and want what is best for him. Thank goodness I have found a way to still take care of my needs as well.

    That being said, right after my son was born I told my husband I wasn't doing this again. Haha. Snip snip!

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    1. Okay, so I have a little bit of a personal question for you, which you can completely ignore if you don't want to answer it! I am fascinated by women who aren't trying to have kids, but aren't NOT trying to have kids. I feel like if you're not NOT trying, at least part of you had to be open to the idea of having a child, I mean, at least subconsciously? Or am I wrong? I know a lot of women who say the same thing as you, so I was just wondering!

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  16. I am asked on a very frequent basis when/why Matthew and I will/don't have kids! Sometimes it is super annoying!!!! Especially if it is someone I don't know very well and I always think to myself "what if I could not have kids and this question really upset me?" Some of my friends have really struggled with infertility and wanted to have a baby more than anything so I always just think in the back of my head that this question should be asked with caution.

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    1. It shoulder DEFINITELY be asked with caution and I don't think I would ask it to anyone unless I was close to them- for fear of that very thing. Plus, it really isn't anyone's business, but obviously very close friends can probably get away with asking personal things. ;)

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