My Fitness Journey Part II

If you missed Part I, make sure you check it out... or none of this will make much sense!

JK-L has been one of my running buddies for several years. She is a HOOT. Talking to her makes running 15 miles seem like it took 15 minutes. We met up one June evening in 2012 for a trail run around Pinchot Lake. Not surprisingly, our conversations hovered on the topic of working out, food, and all the things I had been obsessing about for years. JK-L is a personal trainer, and has spent her life devoted to fitness and helping others reach their goals. She runs, lifts, conducts boot camps... she's amazing.

Anyway, we got into talking about weight training- of which I knew nothing about. I was curious, and she urged me to come to the gym where she worked for some personal training sessions. Now, I always sort of turned my nose up at personal training. Not because I didn't think trainers knew what they were talking about, but because I felt like I should be able to figure out what to do on my own. And a lot of people got trainers for the purpose of motivation and accountability- I didn't need that! I had JEANS to fit into. What more motivation could a gal need!?

There was also the cost. A good personal trainer is expensive. I had no doubt it would be worth the money, but I wasn't even sure I HAD the money. Couldn't I just read some articles on the internet for free? And wouldn't it be selfish and vain to spend several hundred dollars on myself in this way? I decided to talk to my husband and see what he thought.

Well my husband LOVED the idea. He had been telling me for years I needed to weight train. I called JK-L that night and we set up our first consultation. The plan was to have 10 training sessions with her, and then she would design a program for me to follow on my own in the gym. After several weeks, if I needed a new plan, I would go in for a session and she would teach me a new lifting routine.  (Obviously, continuing to see her for training would have been ideal, but it was not in the budget for me!)

At the consultation I opened up about my obsession with food, my over exercising, everything. I went through a typical day and what I would eat. Just to give you and idea...

5:30am – wake up, run 7-9 miles

10:30am – apple (60 calories)

12:20pm – 1-2 packets of oatmeal (200 calories)

2:00pm – granola bar (100 calories)

3:40pm – fat free deli turkey sandwich on lite bread (100 calories)

6:30pm – Salad w/ fat free dressing and 3 pieces lite garlic bread (300 calories)

7:30pm – ice cream, cookies, whatever dessert I wanted (Who knows how many calories? I didn't measure. I felt entitled.)

9:00pm – Bed. Bloated. Tomorrow I'll get up at the crack of dawn and run off all those dinner calories!

Just to review, that's 60-90 minutes of cardio a day and about 1500 calories consumed. My goal was to eat as few calories as possible up until dinnertime, and then stuff myself with all the calories I should have been eating throughout the day! JK-L asked me why I did this. My answer was simple- I LOVE being really hungry and then eating A LOT of food. Also I didn't like to feel "full" unless it was at the end of the day. If I ate at work, I would feel fat.

(I know, I know. This is so messed up and crazy. I know that! I knew it at the time, too!)

JK-L was so understanding. She commended me for being open and honest, for being very self aware of what I did and why I did it. I was being completely real. She weighed me in and calculated my body fat. 

The grand total... 123lbs and 23% body fat.

23% BODY FAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

How!? It didn't make sense to me then, but it made a lot of sense once I digested the information. I was skinny fat.

This explains my dilemma perfectly.

A blog post I should have read 5 years ago.

I did not dwell on the information for too long. I am a woman of action and JK-L assured me I would see results from her program because she knew I would do EXACTLY WHAT SHE TOLD ME TO DO. And I did. I attended my lifting sessions with JK-L for 5 weeks and cleaned up my diet. She taught me so much about lifting, how to burn fat, and how to eat right. This did not involve hours in the gym, nor did it involve cutting calories. It meant NOURISHING my body, eating the right foods at the right times, and focusing on the quality of the exercise, not the quantity.

Things I learned from JK-L and other huge changes I made to reach my NEW goals!!!

1. Less carbs, more protein. I was eating a diet almost entirely comprised of carbohydrates. I didn't cut them out completely, but I cut them significantly- especially at night. I made sure the carbs I ate were whole wheat and contained lots of fiber. I replaced the carbs I was giving up with lean protein. Examples: egg whites, chicken breast, ground turkey, greek yogurt, cottage cheese, whey protein shakes.

2. What to eat before and after a workout. I used to run on an empty stomach and then have no energy to push myself. Then after a run I wouldn't refuel. This was killing my metabolism and my muscles were not able to rebuild. Now, I eat a carb before working out and a large portion of protein paired with a smaller portion of a carb immediately after a workout. **This was very hard to change. At first I felt "fat" eating immediately after a workout and would freak out. Now I freak out if I have to wait too long after a workout to refuel. Oh, how times have changed!**

3. The importance of weight training. I had no muscle, I needed to build it. I was prescribed weight training 2 days a week. On those days, NO OTHER CARDIO should be done. My muscles needed to rebuild or else there was no point in the lifting workout.

4. Less steady-state cardio. Plyometrics, HIIT, tempo runs, hill repeats, and sprints were going to help me burn fat.

5. Look at being hungry as an OPPORTUNITY to make a good choice. You have the chance to fuel your body with what it needs. What you choose to nourish your body could make you one step closer to reaching your goals.

6. Eat throughout the day. Don't save all your calories and carbs for a night time party in your mouth. (My words, not hers!) Now, I pretty much eat all day long. And I eat more calories than I used to. (2000-2300 depending on my training for the day)

7. Focus on FAT LOSS, not WEIGHT LOSS. This image says it all:

Source

These were huge changes for me. I don't know why I was ready to get out of my comfort zone, but for some reason, I took a leap of faith and decided to make myself make the right choices, even if I was uncomfortable at first. (It also helped that I shelled out hundreds of dollars for the training sessions. VERY MUCH WORTH THE MONEY. But there would be no point to spend the money if I wasn't going to take the advice of the expert I was paying!)

"The trick to an amazing physique is not doing everything right for a day. It's doing everything right day after day after day after day." - Pauline Nordin

And that's what I did. Over the course of the next 5 weeks I made more good choices than bad. I didn't over train. I didn't starve myself. Guess what happened? I started to get used to it. And I started to see changes in my body. My stomach, which was once bloated (my carb belly!!!) was now flat. Clothes started to fit better. At my final training session with JK-L I weighed in at the EXACT SAME WEIGHT, but only 20% body fat! This was good news! My body composition was changing. I was making the fat-muscle exchange. That is why my clothes fit better and I was smaller overall without losing pounds.

JK-L and I were both extremely happy with the results. Now it was time for me to go it alone. I was determined at this point. I had created the habits, now I just had to stick with them.

I did. I wasn't perfect. I still drank wine. I still had my ice cream cones. One time I went for a 6 mile run after lifting (it back fired!). But I started making more good choices than bad. Because of this, I have seen many positive changes...

1. I don't view food as the enemy. It is a way to fuel my body. I do allow room for "fun" foods. Wine, ice cream, chocolate covered coffee beans... I never set out to eat perfectly. This is not attainable for me. But when I eat well, I feel well.

2. My body fat % continued to go down. My muscles grew. This took awhile, and I'm not done. But I see progress! (I'm not losing weight... I have only lost about 3lbs in the past year. It appears to be more because I lost fat and gained muscle.) The pictures speak for themselves. In the first picture I am 123lbs. In the second and third pictures I am about 120lbs.

Skinny Fat on the Golden Gate Bridge - June 2012

November 2012 - After building some muscle!

May 2013 - Almost a year after my journey began!
I love this picture of me. I look the same way I feel- fast, strong, happy and free!!!! 

3. I am no longer a weakling in the gym! I can lift heavier weights than I could a year ago.

4. I have gotten FASTER! Since seeing JK-L I not only PR'ed in a marathon by 10 minutes (and qualified for Boston!) but I also ran a sub 20 minute 5-K. Overall, my running pace has increased a lot, and that is thanks to lifting more and running less. (And I'm sure tempo runs/hill repeats helped, too!) Basically, I gave my runs a PURPOSE, I didn't log junk miles (much).

Harrisburg Marathon - November 2012
PR & BQ!

My first 5k- Dick Fralick River Run in Millersburg - May, 2013

5. I do not starve myself. I eat when I am hungry and I don't worry about being hungry. Food is now a chance to make a healthy choice to nourish my body. Or a "fun" choice to keep me sane! Starving yourself all day kills your metabolism. I cannot imagine ever doing this again. There is no point. I used to eat about 1500 calories a day. Now I eat 2000-2300- depending on the training I do on a given day.

6. I do not feel the need to over exercise. That's not the way to reach my goals. My workouts have a purpose, and unless I'm doing a long run, they don't take longer than an hour.

7. I am happy! Most of the time I feel strong, no "fat". Of course I have my days I feel bloated. I get antsy on rest days. But I would say 85% of the time I am very content with how I feel and how I look. This is huge! Will I ever feel fabulous 100% of the time? Probably not. I don't think anyone does. But I feel a million times better than I used to. What more could I ask for???

I am so thankful for everything JK-L has taught me. She changed my life!

My Fitness Journey - Part I

I had this post written for over a week now. I've just been hesitant to post it. But I feel like those who read my blog need to know where I'm coming from. I am on a journey to create good habits, but it is hard. I mess up! So far I am doing better at keeping up with my new habits rather than reverting back to my old ones. That's all one can ask for, right? Continue to be better each day.

Warning, shit is gonna get “real” in this post!

Since fitness is a big part of my life, it's probably going to be a big part of this blog. I'm not a trainer or a nutritionist, nor do I hold any sort of degree or certification in those areas. Heck, I didn't even start running or exercising until I was halfway through college. But I do think I learned a lot over the years. I have experience doing a lot of things wrong AND a lot of things right.

Over the past year in particular, I have made huge changes in my eating habits, exercise habits, and my attitude as to what it means to be healthy and strong. This has caused me to look back at my old habits and feelings with a fresh eye... like the unhealthy ways I tried to lose or maintain weight, how I used exercise to make up for poor eating habits, and how I worried about food every second of every day.

It sounds very free spirited to call what I'm on a “journey”, but that’s really what it is! It’s not a diet and it’s not a quick fix. It’s a lifestyle I have chosen that works for me. It keeps me sane. 

I’m not sure where my journey’s destination is. I've changed my mind and reevaluated my priorities so many times. I have to- I'm not the same person I was 10 years ago let alone 3 years ago. I hope I can continue to be curious, continue to push myself out of my comfort zone, and never resort back to my old, unhealthy habits.

Of course there will be bumps. I will binge. I will go for a 20 mile run to make up for some bad eating. I'll cut my calories. No one is perfect, and it's easy to revert back to old habits. But hopefully these set backs will just be bumps, and I will pick myself up, dust myself off, and make myself do the right thing. Because I feel SO GOOD now, and I never want to feel the way I used to ever again.

Let's start at the beginning...

Growing up I wasn’t an athlete but I wasn’t a couch potato either. I ran around and played outside all the time, I danced in musicals, and I was on swim team (not competitively) during the summer. But I wasn’t an athlete. I quit softball after two practices and track after five. I was the one lobbying to be the goalie in gym class so I wouldn’t get sweaty.

All through my high school years and even the first few years of college I was very thin and could eat pretty much whatever I wanted. And boy did I have a hearty appetite! I was the girl who ate her entire lunch and then all the food her friends didn’t eat. Looking back, I realize the best part about all of this was that I didn’t even think about food. If I was hungry, I ate. If I was not hungry, I did not eat.

I can’t remember exactly when that changed but it was at some point in college. I started running and working out on the elliptical and I started to be mindful of the food I ate. I still ate, but I was definitely more aware of what and how much I was eating. It was during this time that I started to develop the notion of feeling “fat”. Not all the time, but like after a big meal, or after I ate something junky. I knew I wasn’t actually fat, I just felt that way. (Unfortunately, I think a lot of women know the feeling I am talking about.)

Things sort of came to a head in December 2004. I had just graduated from IUP and moved into an apartment Elizabethville with a friend. The plan was to start substitute teaching and hopefully get a job the next school year. I remember the night before my first subbing job I weighed myself on my roommate’s scale. I was 126lbs! I was in shock. I never weighed that much! I freaked out and decided I had to lose weight.

Correction: My mom has informed me I was 8lbs 6oz when I was born!

Through the use of exercise and unhealthy eating habits, I managed to get down to 111lbs in 3 months. 109lbs on a good day. I would do an hour of exercise a day (running, Tae bo, or elliptical) and limit my food intake to 800 calories. All I ate was oatmeal, broccoli, apples, popcorn, and fat free grilled cheese sandwiches. Oh, and spray butter. LOTS of spray butter! After I reached my goal weight I switched out the oatmeal for Cheerios. (Are you wondering how I remember all this? Because that's what I ate every. damn. day.) I was pretty proud of the way I looked. My clothes not only fit me again but they were loose. I felt attractive. And I loved holing myself up in my bedroom and eating popcorn and grilled cheese all night! (Can you say “food ritual”!?)

Obviously living off so few calories was not going to last very long. My body was starving for food and at some point the food was going to have to win over- no matter how badly I wanted to be skinny. It was during a beach trip to Ocean City Maryland in August 2005 that I caved. A bag of caramel popcorn turned into funnel cake, funnel cake turned into ice cream, and then suddenly I just couldn’t stop eating. I was starving! My body needed to be nourished, and nourish it I did! I gained most of the weight back in a few weeks. I only got up to 123lbs but I looked so bloated. It was not good weight. It was the result of binging on ice cream, honey buns, milk, and donuts.

My weight ended up naturally evening out after a few months. My body got used to eating food again, and I started to eat a little more normally- no more honey bun binging. My weight evened out to where I think it is happiest (115-120lbs) and I didn't look bloated. I took up marathon running and that helped keep me sane and give me a purpose for exercise and nutrition. I wasn’t happy, though. I constantly thought about food and what I looked liked.

Time went by. I got married. I bought a house. I earned my Master's degree. I ran the Boston Marathon and a 50 mile race. Yet I was never happy with myself and ALWAYS obsessed about food. I remember telling my husband a few years ago that if I had one wish in the world, it would be to not care about food or think about food. Food CONSUMED my thoughts. I guess I didn’t have any other problems (I really didn’t) so I had to create a huge problem for myself spelled F-O-O-D.

While distance running has really helped me, I think it also led to some not so healthy exercise habits. I started to over exercise to compensate for the food I ate. During the summer of 2009 I was in the habit of running 12 miles a day- an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening. Just two years ago I decided that if I did 2 hours of cardio a day I would get my dream body. (Never mind the fact I was eating huge portions of ice cream and cookies every night.)

!!!!! Spoiler Alert: 2 hours of Cardio per day did NOT give me my dream body. Nor did it make me happy. It made me tired and hungry. !!!!!

So there I was. A relatively thin girl. Happily married, well educated, with a fulfilling job. Running marathons. Running ultra marathons. Doing two hours of exercise a DAY and I still wasn't happy with how I felt or what I looked like. I was tired. All I thought about was exercise and food, and how if I didn't exercise, I would get fatter and blah blah blah blah blah you get the picture.

I felt guilty. Why did I care so much about how I looked? Is that what measures my worth? Yet it was more than how I looked, it was also how I felt. I was not comfortable in my own skin. I was afraid to be hungry. I wouldn't go anywhere if I felt "full". Food and exercise dictated my life, and not in a good way.

I was in a sad state of affairs.

Then, I went on a trail run with my friend JK-L and she changed my life.

Part II of My Fitness Journey is coming soon!