For a lot of my life, I suffered from disordered eating, exercise addiction, and poor body image. Luckily, for the past several years, I have done a good job at keeping those bad thoughts and habits at bay. As I've shared before, about 90% of the time, I feel fine. Only about 10% of the time do I still let those bad thoughts affect me. I never thought I would get to this point and I am so thankful I did the hard work to get here.
Sure, I would love to feel good 100% of the time, but I feel like with disordered eating and poor body image, it's really hard to totally get rid of all of those negative feelings. Keeping them at bay the majority of the time is a HUGE victory for me.
But I want to share an example of how I sometimes let those bad thoughts creep into my brain and control my life.
One night while I was at the beach with my friends, we decided to go out for ice cream. I was actually in the mood for ice cream and was looking forward to getting something yummy. But when we got in the ice cream shop and started looking at flavors, I noticed all of the calorie content was displayed right on the freezer. It was impossible not to notice the exorbitant amount of calories contained in every flavor of ice cream.
I immediately shut down and got in a bad mood. I just could not eat the ice cream after seeing the calorie content staring me in the face. Why did they have to post the calories right there? We all know ice cream is bad for us. Did they have to rub it in our faces?
I know it's messed up because a "normal" person would just enjoy the treat whether they knew the calorie content or not. Had the calories remained unknown to me, I could have easily enjoyed two big scoops of ice cream and not felt a lick of guilt about it.
Instead, with the numbers staring me in the face, I had to walk out of the ice cream shop, angry with myself.
Don't worry, a couple nights later we went out for ice cream again and I got peanut butter pretzel ice cream in a cone. It was divine! And there were no calories posted!
Do you mind when calories are posted?
Note: I will give the answer to how I chipped my tooth (detailed in yesterday's blog post) on Sunday! I want to give more people time to respond!
Note: I will give the answer to how I chipped my tooth (detailed in yesterday's blog post) on Sunday! I want to give more people time to respond!
I totally get this! I wanted a cookies and cream shake from Burger Kimg the other day and it was 750 calories and it made me sick. I talked about it all night. Yesterday I got a cake batter shake from sonic and I know it was quite 750 but I didnt care, I wanted to try it. I didnt drink it all so I was proud of myself.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you were able to go back and treat yourself.
Cake batter shake sounds very good! But it sounds rich and sweet too so I'm not sure I could drink a whole one of that particular flavor. Although when I used to buy ice cream I would get the birthday cake kind and I never got sick of that!
DeleteI do not mind when they post calories. Usually, we know if whatever we are consuming or planning to consume is within our acceptable range of calories. I have been known to pass on something when I see the calorie count. I also often pass just because I know that I do not want to waste the calories on junk. having said that, I will occasionally treat myself to something decadent. We all have quirks and most of us fight our own demons. Worry can make me horribly one track minded until I resolve what is worrying me. You are a good egg and even though you know you can afford the calories, you do not want to get into the habit of using that as a reason to consume something. I am glad you went back and had your treat. You are not effed up, you are you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Donna! I'm glad I was able to go back and enjoy it as well. You know what though I was thinking, if I had been at home and not on vacation it may have bothered me less. I crave control and when on a vacation you are out of your element and have less control, so I can get weirder about eating. Does that make sense?
DeleteMegan. It does make sense. In my opinion, you have had more than your share of intense shit going on in your life. When things get real but not always within our control, we tend to hone in on what we can control. Home is probably your true happy/safe space so home is where you let yourself go a bit more. Just remember, we all have quirks.
DeleteThanks girl. :) <3
DeleteMegan, you are not effed up at all. This is life, and it's something a LOT of people struggle with. I haven't seen calories at an ice cream shop lately, but every grocery store posts it by the desserts and it's stopped me from buying many desserts- and slices of pizza. I understand why because a lot of people are struggling with obesity and health and probably need to rethink buying those items (or at least, eating the entire item). But life and times with friends are meant to be enjoyed. I don't go out with friends every day, and the older we get, the less we even have those opportunities- gotta love adulthood when you realize you haven't seen your closest non-spouse friend in weeks! So go out and enjoy it, and know that being active and eating healthy 80% of the time makes up for that 20% of the time.
ReplyDeleteThank you Amy, you are totally right.
DeleteHonestly, when my mind starts to go there I just think of my mom and of Jason. Both lives cut way too short. When I think of them I instantly realize life is too short to stress over extra calories every once in awhile!
ReplyDeleteUgh girl you are so right. It is good to keep things in perspective.
DeleteI definitely pay attention when calories are posted, but since I try to eat well the majority of the time, I definitely "ignore" them for a treat, because I know that the occasional treat will not effect me. It would be different if I had treats every single day.
ReplyDeleteIt really comes down to what you're doing the rest of the time. You run. You burn so many more calories than other people. It's totally fine to treat yourself once in a while.