Guys, I haven't been nice to myself lately. I have been doing a lot of negative self talk. I have been comparing myself to other people. I don't run enough. I'm not fast enough. I weigh too much. I'm not strong enough. I don't eat healthy enough. it is ridiculous. It is wrong, and I know it is wrong. Why, why, why am I allowing myself to fall into the comparison trap? I take pride in the fact that I generally DON'T compare myself to other people. I'm too smart and too old for that shit. But for some reason, lately I have been doing just that. It's such an immature, self absorbed thing to do.\SO, tomorrow is a new week. It's SPRING. The school year is almost over. I'm HAPPY and LIFE IS GOOD, so I am going to try very hard to stop saying nasty things to myself!
I AM AWESOME.
I AM GOOD AT PUZZLES.
MY CATS ARE THE SMARTEST AND MOST BEAUTIFUL CATS IN THE WORLD.
What do you do when the little voice in your head says something nasty about you?
I'm sorry you've been so hard on yourself lately! I think it's normal for that to happen once in awhile, but realizing it's happening and being that self-aware is half the battle of stopping it! I think you're awesome. And just remember that you may be comparing yourself to others and putting yourself down, but for many people YOU are who they strive to be like. I know I'll probably never be as fast as you, or as fit, or as good of a puzzler! It's all about perspective.
ReplyDeleteI think you are right that having perspective is a big piece of it.
DeleteSpeaking of being speedy, are you noticing any improvements from your speed workouts???
Not much because I took so much time off over the last couple weeks. But I'm getting more comfortable with being uncomfortable, so that's good. I'm back to my schedule now, so hopefully over the next few weeks I'll see some improvement.
DeleteOh you definitely will, and getting comfortable being uncomfortable is a big step! I STILL have to remind myself during speed workouts night to panic and quit when it starts to suck because it is supposed to suck!
DeleteThat happens to me all the time! I try to shut it down as best I can.
ReplyDeleteI suppose it happens to us all...
DeleteKaren, this made me laugh: "I can still make people whistle (even though I know guys doing that would piss you off)"
ReplyDeleteYOU KNOW ME SO WELL!!!! :)
Thank you for the pep talk! I don't think Kara G envies my running but I bet she DOES envy that I get to eat Chinese food and she probably doesn't. ;)
To comment on the people having it easier- I hate when people complain about the TINIEST stuff. It gets under my skin. It shouldn't, because I am sure I complain about tiny stuff from time to time- it's human.
In case you didn't know, you've been someone I looked up to since we were paired together for mentor/mentee. You've had such a positive impact on me and I've looked up to you a lot. I think it is awesome you are such an amazing athlete, I love that you are open and honest about being CFBC, I love your elementary music programs, and all this year I've been thinking "what would Megan do" when planning my concerts and doing choreography with my choir. I also love reading your blog!
ReplyDelete<3 You Megan! You rock!!!
WOW thank you, Andrea!!!!! That really means a lot to me. I guess I forget that we all look up to each other. You do so many things I can't- like knit, raise freaking chickens, and make everything from scratch. Remember when I called you and asked you how to make soup? Well I am making more soup today!!! :)
DeleteThis shocks me because you are the most confident and self assured person I know (and so rightfully so)! You seem to kick butt at everything you do!!!! Just keep enjoying your life!
ReplyDeletelol I do think for the most part I am confident (but not delusional, like I can easily tell you what I'm not good at and what my personality flaws are! marriage really teaches you what your personality flaws are hahaha!) which is why I am pissed at myself for thinking this way lately.
DeleteReally sorry to hear you've been hard on yourself lately. I think it's pretty common to go through these phases, I know I do, so you are definitely not alone!
ReplyDeleteAll of the thoughts you've listed seem to be related to running in some way, and perhaps are a reflection of how you feel about your recent race performances. You haven't met your A-goal and your mind is probably just trying to figure out WHY since you know that your training *has* been super solid.
Remember, you've had bad luck with outside factors like the weather (too hot, too windy, etc.) but you are still an amazing runner and in the right conditions you would probably blow your goals out of the water! You know these are the reasonable things you would tell any runner friend who was in a similar situation!
Aside from that though, being a runner is only a small fraction of what makes Megan a great person. The negative stuff you listed is all running related, but the positive stuff is non-running related. Maybe it would be helpful to make a list of all of things that you like about yourself as a runner. Maybe write a post of things you would tell a new runner based on the things you've experienced over the years that have made you better.
Also, here's how I would modify your list:
- I am awesome at running, motivating others, teaching music, doing puzzles, having smart political opinions, being a supportive friend/family member/wife, etc.
- I am good at puzzles, running, pull-ups, weight lifting and shitting on Donald Trump, etc.
- My cats are the smartest and most beautiful cats in the world (and Cecil is too)!
Don't be too hard on yourself any more! This spring is all about positivity!
(PS: Sorry for playing armchair psychologist! I'm not a psychologist, but I spend enough time with one to feel qualified LOL).
Wow Kristina. I think I need to hire you as a therapist. Thank you so much for that insight. You're right, all of the pooey things I am saying about myself are all running/body image related. Dumb, dumb stuff. It's not the important stuff.
DeleteI love your list modification!!! I SERIOUSLY ALMOST WROTE THAT CECIL IS BEAUTIFUL AND SMART TOO!!! I am not shitting you at ALL.
Seriously, thank you.
I love puzzles! :P
ReplyDeleteMe too!!! I am addicted. My Gma got me hooked.
DeleteI know how you feel. I fall into the comparison trap with running way more often than I care to admit. It always helps me to step away and occupy my mind with something else. I pull my head out of the internet for awhile and read a book, or hang out with people who aren't runners, or immerse myself in a non-fitness related hobby, and it really helps me get some perspective. It sounds cliche but believe it or not, there are some people out there who think just being able to run 2 miles without stopping is an accomplishment worth celebrating. I know so many people who think it's utterly amazing that I'm running a marathon. Suddenly I feel so silly with my "oh boo hoo I don't like my half marathon PR, I didn't run enough miles this week, I might not meet my marathon time goal." Don't get me wrong, it's perfectly normal to have these thoughts sometimes, but I think we also need to step back and put them in perspective. Another cliche, but, we all are really so fortunate to be able to partake in running and racing at all.
ReplyDeleteGet out of your own head for a while, give those antsy thoughts some space to breathe and you just might find that they finally fly away. As others have said, you are more than just a 1:38 half marathoner. You are a unique, complex, wonderful person.
Thank you so much for your insight, Hanna. I know everyone gets down in the dumps sometimes, and these last two weeks, it was my turn! I have started to wonder why I CARE so much. Why is it important to me to weigh a certain number or run a certain mileage...
DeleteWhen did this negative talk start? I wonder what triggered it. You really do not seem like the type of person who compares or cares what others think - and that's what I love about you. Maybe it's just an "off" month... I think we all fall victim at one point or another.
ReplyDeleteOh it's from reading blogs. Stuuuuuuuuuuuupid. I know better.
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