Of course I missed him, but mostly I was just scared! I was scared of someone breaking into our house! I took a whole lot of silly precautions that I won't be sharing with you since I don't want it "out there" for people to know about. But let's just say I didn't get much sleep at all...
Monday was my first night alone. I managed to sleep from about 9:30pm until 2:00am, when the cats woke me up. I fed them, went to the bathroom, and then I looked at my phone. I had an alert that the new administration planned to roll back most of Obama's regulations that are meant to combat climate change.
FUUUUUCK!!!
There's nothing like the destruction of the planet and the fear of someone breaking into your house to keep you awake, right?
I laid in bed and practiced my Spanish until 3:00am and then finally I got up. I cleaned the whole house, scrubbed the floors and the walls where Chrissy likes to pee, and ran 6 miles all before 7:00am.
I slept a lot better on Tuesday night. Pretty much from 9:00pm-5:30am straight.
Wednesday night was freaky. I left some lights on during the night and I was dreaming that I woke up and someone had turned the lights off. I kept having the same dream and it was horrible! I was exhausted all day Thursday. Thursday is a bad day to be tired because I teach piano lessons until 7:00pm.
I worried a lot when Paul was gone. I worried about things that I don't normally worry about... and some things that I do often worry about. I basically felt out of control, and when I feel out of control, that's when my mind goes crazy with WORST CASE SCENARIO type of stuff...
The funny thing is, my friend Maren posted an article on Facebook that said 85% of what we worry about never actually happens. Well, that's good to know. Want to know what I worried about this week? Of course you do!
I worried that...
...my house would catch on fire while I was out running (I ran loops so I would pass my house every 3-4 minutes)
... someone was going to follow me into the house and rape me when I'm done with my run.
... someone was going to break into my house while I'm showering. (I took 30 second showers this week.)
... the cats would slip out the door without me noticing.
... the cats would die.
... the cats would fight and injure each other.
... the cats would miss Paul and be depressed.
... my house would catch on fire while I was at work.
... my music classes were going to show up early and I wouldn't have time to finish my lunch.
... an administrator would come into my room the exact minute I sat down at my desk and thus would think I was lazy.
.... I'd be late getting home from work and my piano student would be waiting.
... someone would break into my house while I was at work and then hide.
... I was eating too much food and I would gain weight.
... my plane would crash on the way to CrimeCon... or the way home.
I KNOW IT'S SO RIDICULOUS!!!!
Life is just not fun without Paul. The cats were thrown off too. They were acting a lot more crazy and needy without Paul home to hang out with them all day. Now that he is home, they are back to normal. I'm back to normal too. It's almost like he never left! Except I have a newfound appreciation for him! Not that I didn't appreciate him before... it's just on a different level now!
Do you have any irrational worries?
Are you scared to be home alone overnight?
What's the longest your partner has been gone?
Rick goes away for 2-3 day ski trips a couple of times each winter. I don't really get scared because of Macy being here and for the most part I don't really mind the time alone but by the end of the 3 days I am really ready to see him again!
ReplyDeleteAbsence makes the heart grow fonder!
DeleteI dont like being home alone but I feel pretty safe, mostly because we have a house alarm. Sorry you had such a stressful week! I do have irrational worries but i have gotten better about coping with them.
ReplyDeleteI am sure a house alarm makes you feel very safe! I'm glad you have that.
DeleteFrank goes away to Moab for one night every two weeks for his job and I always worry about someone breaking into the house or into my car outside. It's not something I worry about when he's here, but I'm like hyper aware of all of the sounds outside when he's gone.
ReplyDeleteThat's my problem too- when he is gone I am HYPER aware of all the things that could go wrong!
DeleteOkay now I am super interested in knowing which of these things you worry about all the time and which ones were unique to Paul being away, because so many of these items are on my Everyday Fear list!
ReplyDeleteWell, I suppose I worry about all of them but not so much that it interferes with my life/happiness. When Paul is gone, I am hyper aware of the worry, kind of like how Kerry described!
DeleteClay went on a trip for a few days and I was kind of the same way. I didn't worry TOO much but I tried to stay busy. I was so glad for him to come home because it's stressful with your spouse gone. I missed hearing his car pull into the garage each evening and just having someone else at home.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you on not advertising things like going away from home or being out of town on the internet. A few years ago, my neighbors were on vacation in the Caribbean and their house was robbed. I can't help but think that they should not have posted so many pictures on Facebook while they were gone advertising that they were not home...
With social media now, I'm sure it is hard to not advertise that you are away. It's tough because you figure that if your facebook/instagram is only your "friends", well why would your friends rob you???
DeleteWhat you described about missing Clay's car sound, etc... that's what I missed too! The little things.
Okay so... I love being alone. As much as I love Andrew, I'd be in heaven if he left on a trip! I grew up as an only child in a huge house so I really appreciate my alone time. Maybe it's really selfish of me. I sound like a jerk but I'm just being honest. I don't get scared of normal things, so I wouldn't be afraid of being alone. I get freaked out about really weird and random things that most people would never care about.
ReplyDeleteYou don't sound like a jerk at all! Your house is full of people, I don't blame you for wanting to be alone! Now Paul and I get to have our alone time A LOT. He'll be in the basement working and I'll be upstairs doing a puzzle or whatever... I like that. I feel alone, but I have the comfort of knowing he's down there.
DeleteI am honored to learn that I am a "close friend". I'm glad you made it through those few days! You'll be a pro at this for next time!
DeleteOr... I will be texting you again!!!
DeleteOh, I hate it when J is gone for a night or two. I just like him, you know? Also, maybe you should ease up on the true crime podcasts for a few weeks before Paul goes out of town... :)
ReplyDeleteI know, I know, I know. It's the total root cause of many of the fears!
DeleteMatt was gone Thursday-Tuesday in St. Croix, and I had a lot of the same thoughts! I have gotten better, though. I used to leave a light on and double check all the doors and the alarm in a majorly OCD way, but now I sleep okay with him gone. However, I did make a U-turn on my way to work and go home to check that I had closed the garage door and turned off my straightening iron! I have that kind of neurosis all the time but usually I can text Matt and ask him to check for me, but obviously I can't when he's not home!
ReplyDeleteI get that OCD feeling too and it really cramps my style when Paul is not home, like you said, to check on things you are making yourself crazy about! I feel less weird now.
DeleteI am glad you were safe and nothing scary happened.
ReplyDeleteI have other crazy irrational fears like, what if I oversleep for work and my job fires me. What if I accidentally text the wrong person about themselves? what if I forget to pick up my son from school?
OMG I HAVE THE SAME TEXTING WORRY. That would just be horrible.
DeleteI love being alone, but I am such a worrier when I am home alone. When my husband is out of town I sleep with multiple nightlights, a fan running so I can't hear as many house noises, and, if it is a really bad night, I'll put on an audiobook to listen to while I fall asleep.
ReplyDeleteThose sound like some good tips. I did the lights for sure. I am wondering, does it make you nervous not to be able to hear noises? Because what if like someone breaks in and you don't hear it?
Delete