Not many people I know ask me why I don't have kids or if I'm going to have kids. This is probably because they already know that I don't and I won't!
While there are a million reasons I don't want kids, I think the main reason is simply this: I just don't have any desire at all. There is not a single bone in my body that wants to bring a human into the world and be it's mom for the rest of my life. It actually grosses me out to even type that sentence.
The only people that really bring up the subject anymore are people I don't know very well at all. One of the only times I get asked if I have kids is when I'm getting a hair cut and the hairdresser is trying to make small talk with me!
I used to get asked more often. There were a couple things people would say that really freaking annoyed me....
"Oh, you'll change your mind!" <---- Really!? How would you feel if I told you that you'd change your mind about wanting children?
"Someday you'll regret it!" <---- Again, what if I told you someday you'd regret your decision about having children?
"I just can't imagine my life without children." <---- Great, glad you are happy! I am happy too!
"It must be nice to not be busy." <---- I have a full time job, 2 part time jobs, take care of a house, a husband, and 2 cats. You're right, I'm not busy at all!
"Not having children is selfish." <----- OMG STFU!!!!!!!
These comments haven't been thrown at me in quite awhile- probably because it has become more socially acceptable for couples to make the decision to not have children. This is a good thing. My mouth is a lot more sassy than it was several years ago, so if someone were to say something judge-y to me about not having kids, I feel like they would get a lot of snark coming from me!
Well, I can't always do whatever the hell I want... but I kind of can!
Do people ask you stupid questions about your lifestyle choices?
How do you respond?
How do you respond?
I can relate to this post big time! Will be 43 mid February and never once wanted kids so we didn't have them. Don't regret it at all. And like you, we have family with kids and we are a big part of their lives (attend sporting events, take them fun places). Love being in a kid's life in that capacity and am SO happy we didn't give in to society and have children just to have them. I LOVE the pictures you posted above. Pretty much sums it up.
ReplyDeleteSue! How the heck are ya!?
DeleteIt is definitely fun to be an aunt, and then come home to my clean, quiet house.
I hear ya! When I was younger I wanted kids, but when I got to about 20-21 I realised I didn't actually want them at all. I got a lot of flack from people I knew, and received many of the same comments you have. It's obviously difficult dating anyone seriously with that in mind (my ex really wanted kids, and soon, for example) but I may have found the solution by dating a man who already has kids! Ha :)
ReplyDeleteI can't believe I was so lucky in finding my husband and he DIDN'T want kids. I think a lot of guys do want them, so it would be hard to find someone who didn't. Looks like you figured it out!
DeleteWhen people ask me I just politely say "no", and it is the end of the story. I always hoped that I would "feel the need" to have a child. Each year I thought "maybe next year it will hit me". But honestly the need never arises. Perhaps one day I will regret it but I like my life the way it is and i've been saying that year after year.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you are very in tune to your feelings and desires.
DeleteI'm with you, girl. I don't want kids either. It's not that I hate kids, or that I think I'd be a bad mom, or any of those common reasons. I just don't want to and don't feel that I'm ready. I'm tempted to think, "maybe I'll be ready later," and then I realize that I'm almost 28 years old, if I'm not thinking about it now, when WILL I be? It's hard enough to take care of myself sometimes, let alone another human! Plus don't even get me started on the financial aspect. My bf and I are broke as jokes without kids in the picture!!
ReplyDeleteI guess I'm lucky, but I've never been asked any of those questions. I'm sure the reason I don't get asked is that I'm not married. If anyone asks me if I want kids and I say I don't want them and they ask "why not?!?!" I just calmly shrug and say "I just don't." That usually shuts them up, because what can you really say to such a noncommittal response?
So cool that you're in a magazine!!
You are right, you would probably be asked more if you were married! Thank you for sharing!
DeleteI have been starting to get the 'are you having kids question' and it drives me crazy!! Honestly, it's NO ONE's business and it makes my skin crawl when they ask. I'm not sure how i feel about it quite yet. Some days I think ok maybe I could have a child.. other times I think no way in hell... the fact that my facebook feed is all babies and it annoys me, tells me I'm not ready yet, ha ha. Seriously though, I am still wayyy too selfish!! I appreciate your honestly here:)
ReplyDeleteDon't call yourself selfish! It is NOT selfish to be child free. You are simply living the life you chose for yourself- just like people who have children are living.
DeleteAlso, in my opinion, there are a shit ton of humans on this earth and think of how many more there would be if EVERYONE procreated. ;)
I said for years I did not want kids, but really I was indifferent about whether or not I had them. BUt I felt compelled to say I did not want them so no one would ask. I HATE that people think its OK to ask questions like that. I really only determined I wanted kids if I had a husband who wanted them more than I did...and I do and I am now pregnant. And the personal questions keep on coming. Pregnancy is a very weird thing to me since it seems so personal, but as your body changes it becomes so public and people want to talk about it. I do my best to avoid these questions but I am starting to learn to have standard answers.
ReplyDeleteAs you have so openly shared, no one is immune from getting asked nosy, personal questions! And I have to say this, I think MOST of the time, people either are ignorant to the fact that they are being rude, or they mean well... but that still doesn't change the fact that they are being rude to ask personal questions like that!
DeleteSo well said, Karen!
ReplyDeleteI am happy the comments haven't been coming at you too much, now! I let my family know asap I wasn't interested (in the near and far future) and they haven't bugged me, thankfully! Lately though, I do get some judgement on how much "free time" I have since I don't have kids. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteThat would piss me off! Your life, your time.
DeleteI found the most awesome 'not having kids' meme and I'm totally going to send it to you via Facebook ;)
ReplyDeleteI LOVE IT!
DeleteI love that you know and don't feel the need to waffle around about it!
ReplyDeleteAnd, anyone who says at least you aren't as busy clearly doesn't know you because you are one super busy lady!!!
The selfish thing is to ridiculous for words - some of the most selfish people I've ever known have kids.
I am definitely thankful that I know for SURE how I feel. It would suck to be indecisive and then end up not making the right decision.
DeleteSelfishness definitely isn't based on whether you have kids or not, thank you for pointing that out!
You and I are on the SAME PAGE when it comes to this (and so many things haha). I don't get asked about it as much because most people now know that Matt and I aren't interested. I've never really wanted kids; I use to not even want to get married. I'm totally happy with my life without the hassle and stress of children. I love my students and see them as "my kids" in a way, and they're ALL I need haha.
ReplyDeleteYeah you definitely have PLENTY of kids you are dedicated to! :) It's kind of funny some people can't understand enjoying being a teacher and teaching kids but not wanting them on your own.
DeleteCecil is the best son I could ask for! He's set the standard too high for me to ever even think about having a real baby!
ReplyDeleteI didn't realize it, but you're right that people have stopped asking all of the dumb children questions. I guess the older we get the more people realize it's just not going to happen.
Cecil is incredibly adorable! I feel bad for people who don't have cats. Maybe when people ask us when we're having kids, we should say, "So when are you getting a cat?" hehehe!
DeleteI never know what to say when people ask that. It used to be, "Not yet, maybe someday," but now that we've been married 7 years and I'm almost 30 and we still don't want them, well... "I don't want them" never seems like enough. Maybe I'll just start saying, "Mind your own business." :) And true story: My husband teaches 7th grade science, so he has to teach the reproductive system. He's cool about it and fields any question the kids have. So a kid asked him what the phrase "shooting blanks" meant. After he explained, the kid asked "Is that why you don't have kids? Are you shooting blanks?" Only a middle schooler would think that's okay.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh! Did he laugh?
DeleteI LOVE this story!
DeleteI've always thought that I am missing some kind of woman gene or something because I've never wanted children and I've never dreamed about my wedding. I'm too independent and selfish to want to bring a child into the world. The more my friends have babies, the less I want them. I will see the lives my friends have and feel so relieved that is not my life. You know what I like to do? Sleep. You know what else I like to do? Leave my house whenever I feel like it without making sure I have 97 things for someone else. You know what else I like to do? Not have to be in charge of another human being's life. It's hard enough to take care of mine!
ReplyDeleteI've gotten a lot of, "You'll get the bug soon," and "Your clock is ticking, baby fever will hit you one of these days." Well, I'm 27 and the urge to NOT have kids just gets stronger every single day. The comment that pissed me off the most was, "You'll change your mind when you meet the right guy!" Um. No. The right guy will also not want to have kids, thank you. I'm perfectly happy being an aunt and giving the kid back when I'm done playing with it. ;-)
You are NOT selfish for not wanting kids. You are living your life the way you want to. That is not selfish. People who WANT kids live their lives the way they want to and we don't call them selfish! :)
DeleteOWN IT, GIRL! :)
Applause! Two thumbs up! It's so nice to see someone else put this personal opinion out there in the blogging world....because I feel the same way. I know I'm only 22 years old and MANY people say I will change my mind. They are convinced. Well I am pretty convinced in, what you mentioned, that I just do not have a single desire in my body to birth a child of my own. At. All. I trust my own instincts on this one.
ReplyDeleteGood for you for trusting yourself and not what other people say.
DeleteIsn't it crazy how someone would dare tell you you'd change your mind about NOT wanting children, while if you told someone who WANTED children that they'd change your mind- you'd be the evil one!?
People should just mind their own damn business. :)
It really is SO weird that people are convinced that you will change your mind. Are you me? Do you know how I feel about having a child? No. If I told you that you will change your mind about wanting a kid one day you'd be mad at me. We are all entitled to our own opinions. This subject is one that is near and dear to my heart since I don't think my soul purpose on this planet is to bare children yet so many people think that it is.
DeleteNot to mention your dedication to children as a teacher!
DeleteThat question is unbelievably rude. There are two basic reasons a woman doesn't have children - she doesn't want them or, for whatever reason, she cannot have them. If you are choosing not to have them you don't need to justify it and if you want one and can't have one, the question makes you feel like crap. So yeah, even if you have 15 kids and they are the light of your life never, ever ask people this question.
ReplyDeleteWhat you said about there being two reasons- she doesn't want them or can't have them- is so well put and so simple!
Delete