Our New Lives

What I am about to say will not come as a shock to my "real life" friends, but I realize to most of my blog readers, what I'm sharing will come as some unexpected news.

Many of you have noticed that Paul has been absent from the blog for the past several months. This is why. We filed for divorce in March, he moved out in April, and our divorce was finalized a few days ago.

Believe me, I never thought Paul and I would get divorced. When I got married, I intended for it to be forever. But no one can predict how life will turn out. We think we know, but we don't.

Life is long. I know Paul and I will both find happiness. Our separation was amicable. We remain friends. I just talked to him on the phone for 45 minutes the other day and it was wonderful. I think we are both adjusting to our new lives as well as can be expected.

That's not to say things haven't been difficult. I can't speak for Paul, but the past nine months have been the most difficult time in my life. My close friends know this. They have been there for me and I can't thank them enough. I feel like I have been taking from my friends. But that's what friends are for, right? They're supposed to be there for you when you need them the most. I feel incredibly lucky that I have so many people there for me when I don't have the energy to give anything back.

My family is extremely supportive as well. I was so scared to tell my parents our decision, but of course they support us and just want us to be happy. They love both Paul and I.

Here are some of the logistics, because I am sure you are wondering. I am remaining in our house with the cats. (For now, I am hoping Paul will accept half custody of the cats because they miss him! But that's a whole other story.) I refinanced and am officially a single girl homeowner! Paul bought a house that's a half mile from his NEW JOB! (So he is a single boy homeowner!) He is an Account Acquisition Specialist for Healthy Hemp Solutions. Paul loves his house and he loves his job. He loves living alone. 

I love living alone too, but that's not to say I don't get lonely. I know divorce is the best decision for both of us but it was really, really hard. These past several months have sucked so bad. 

Paul and I do NOT regret our 10 happy years of marriage. We would not erase them. Getting married was not a mistake. It was just time for it to end and move on.

Obviously, this whole life change is one of the reasons I have been absent from the blog for a long time. First of all, I was very sad and anxious a lot of the time and didn't have the focus to write. And everything that was going on in my life wasn't appropriate to share with the internet. 

In the future, I do intend to write more about about my new life and some of the difficult feelings (and happy feelings!) I am going through. Paul knows this. And he knows I will never, ever violate his trust on the blog or share anything that would be inappropriate or was intimate to our marriage and separation. I hold our relationship in very high regard, so I won't share things that would go against that. But I will open up more about my new life and how I am adjusting.

I hope you'll stick around for the ride!