I auditioned.

This is a painful post to write. I auditioned for Hairspray at Theater Harrisburg on Saturday. I really wanted to get cast as a dancer or just a chorus member. But I didn't even get a call back. I sang a one minute song for the casting committee and that was enough for them to know they didn't even want me for the second round of auditions.

What a kick in the gut. I know I don't have a huge, strong, voice, and I didn't get my hopes up about being cast. I just didn't realize how much of a kick in the gut not getting called back would be.

Auditions were from 1-4. I arrived at 1:05 and there were already a ton of people there. I filled out the two information sheets and handed them in. I was number 38 to audition. There were about 70 people total. I had to wait awhile for my turn, so I just sat and tried to chill on my phone. An older gentleman sat next to me and struck up a conversation. Then when he left another dude sat down and we were chatting. Most of the people there to audition were young girls around 15-20. I felt old.

Tried to not dress too old looking...

When it was my turn to go into the audition room, I was very cold and NERVOUS. I was shaking! I wish I didn't get so nervous for stuff like this. There were three people in the audition room. The accompanist was a guy I knew already from doing shows. I didn't expect to see him there so it was nice to see a friendly face. The two people on the casting committee were a woman who works for Theater Harrisburg and the director, a guy I was actually in a show choir with in high school but I hadn't seen him in 19 years. Crazy, right?

I sang Oh Bless the Lord My Soul. My voice cracked on the one belty part but it wasn't bad and I got back into it. The director and the other woman on the casting panel listened intently. The woman smiled and sort of bopped along. I sang for about one minute and gave it my all. Then it was over and I went back to the big waiting area to learn the dance. 

I had to wait about an hour and a half for the next demonstration of the dance. I started to get really tired and got a pounding headache during this time. I could hear some of the singers through the audition doors and so many people had big, strong, voices. I was starting to think mine wasn't going to measure up.

Auditions were just on the other side of those doors...

Finally it was time to learn the dance. We were going to be taught the dance that day and then if we got called back, we'd have to perform the dance for the audition committee. The dance was REALLY hard, but luckily, it seemed like it was really hard for everyone. We were allowed to record it so that if we got called back, we could practice it at home and be prepared for the next round of auditions. I figured if I practiced for 2-3 hours I would be able to learn the dance- and I fully intended to learn it if I got called back!

After I learned the dance, I was free to go. I kept checking my email for the rest of the night, hoping to get the "Please come back tomorrow!" email from the theater but it never came. Around 9 I was pretty sure it wasn't coming. At 10, I was VERY sure and at 11 I started to get really sad. I admit, I did cry twice because I was sad. It sucks not being good enough for something.

I spend all my work days doing music, but it's dedicated to teaching young students. I was excited to potentially do something musical for ME for the first time in 6 years.

I actually did see a former student at the audition. I taught her from kindergarten-fourth grade. She was in my 4th grade chorus and my show choir. Now she performs in the high school shows. I don't know anything for certain, but she is so talented and I am sure she got in Hairspray.