I think my cat is a sociopath.

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I think my cat may be a sociopath. I love him just the way he is, but it recently dawned on me that he does display a lot of sociopathic behavior. So I Googled signs and symptoms of a sociopath, and since Google is ALWAYS right, I thought I would list some of the behaviors and symptoms Christmas displays...

1. Having an oversized ego. Christmas thinks he owns our house, our block, and our entire neighborhood. In his world, he's the king of everything. Neighborhood cats experience his wrath at the window. He hisses and claws at the screen... then he'll pee in the corner. Just to prove he is #1.

2. Lying and exhibiting manipulative behavior. Ummmm.... this is every morning! Whoever wakes up first in our house feeds the cats their wet food. Whoever wakes up second... well, they get a little "show" from Christmas. It's a one man show. Or, one cat show, and it includes frantically pacing around the kitchen and tail shaking. He's trying to convince whoever woke up second that he did not get fed. He meows. He squints his eyes and looks hugrily at whoever he's trying to dupe. Boy is he good at it too, because once in awhile he gets fed twice- thanks to his manipulative behavior!

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3. Exhibiting a lack of remorse or shame. Yup. He's never remorseful when he accidentally scratches me when hopping out of my arms and onto the bay window. I almost always have a scratch on my chest courtesy of Christmas. And when he pees in the corner? No remorse whatsoever. Then there's the clingers. You know... the pieces of puhp that get stuck to his butt hair. No shame at all! He just flaunts around the house like nothing is wrong... as if there isn't a piece of sh!t stuck to his fur!

4. Living by the "pleasure principal". If Christmas wants something, he'll get it if he knows there probably won't be many consequences. He will overeat. He'll run out the front door and into the carport. He'll mess with Basic if he feels like getting a rush. His motto is pretty much, "If it feels good, do it!"

5. Highly intelligent. We all know cats are extremely intelligent, and I believe Christmas is on the high end of the intelligence spectrum. He can open cabinets. He understands the concept of pushing down the door handles- even though he can't really do it, he tries. He knows when I get home from work. He can spot thousand leggers from 20 feet way. I've seen him open a Cheez-it box. He can tell the difference between the sound a gallon of milk makes being set on the counter and a gallon of iced tea- even if he isn't in the room. He can tell. I could go on and on. Just believe me when I say my cat is a genius.

As you can guess, I'm just being silly in this post. While all 5 of these characteristics of Christmas are true, I know they are true because he is an ANIMAL and NOT a sociopath. (Beside, he's not about to drive to Arizona and stab his ex-boyfriend to death a la Jodi Arias.) Plus, sociopaths are incapable of love, and the one thing I know about Christmas is how BIG his heart is and how he loves me and Paul with every ounce of fur he's got... and he's got a lot of fur!

I love you Chrissy Boy!!!!!!